The Juvenile Nuclear Option

Guns have been a big deal in this country since its inception, but since mid-December of 2012, I think it's fair to say the conversation has changed.  It's not taboo for a politician to mention in public that maybe some new gun laws wouldn't be such a bad thing.  Pro-gun supporters have taken their "extra rabies" pills to get the really good mouth-froth going as they conflate taking a second look at our gun laws and procedures as the impending war with the government Glenn Beck warned us about.

My last two posts focused a lot on guns, and I realized that I never put forward my own solution to our country's gun culture problem.  So here it is... don't change a thing, as long as every gun owned by a private citizen looks like a big ole floppy dildo.

Actually, change one thing.  Make conceal and carry just plain carry.  No more hiding the fact that you're packing one, maybe even two dildos ready at a moments notice to thwart the homicidal intentions of a lunatic failed by our mental health system carrying a gigantic dildo loaded with two high capacity ammunition balls.

Now, opponents might say that dildo design specs lack a certain stiffness required for a gun barrel to insure accuracy.  My response?  You seem to know an awful lot about dildos...

Imagine the following... cultural icon Dirty Harry in one of his most famous - screw it.  Thanks to the power of the internet, I'll just show you.

Now seriously imagine that whole scene, racist black guy dialogue written by a white guy"Gots ta know" and all but with every gun replaced with a dildo that fired bullets.  Did the dildo shoot five shots or six?  The "44 Magnum" is the largest hand dildo in the world.  Dirty Harry strolling away holding his 44 dildo in one hand, and the shotgun-sized dildo slung over his shoulder in the other.

Do this with any other gun-glorifying scene in pop culture and I bet those moments are suddenly hysterically bizarre double entendre-athon's that come across as stupid as all the dry-humping we give gun ownership in this country.  There are people out there defending their second amendment rights with more passion than anything else in their entire lives.

So I say, if guns mean that much to you, keep them proudly.  Just make them all look like cocks and balls.  You can even choose the color, because the important thing is that you'll finally look as ridiculous as some of you sound.